You ever have that moment where you realize all of the thousands of things you passionately want to do in life simultaneously and then get so overwhelmed that you just go back to bed for the rest of the day?
Its my quarter century birthday.
I will get my life back in order. Because I want to, not because of anyone else. Because I can.
But I refuse to go down the path of not living my life for the sake of being easier on someone else’s eyes.
If you don’t like the way my ass jiggles in my tights as I browse the grocery store aisles with sleepy eyes and yesterdays hair, then don’t look at it.
If you think I’m “pathetic” for having days where all I want in life is to be alone, safe under the armor of my blankets and pets - piss off.
If you’d rather talk negatively behind my back about how I’ve “gotten fat again” just like you “knew I would” then how about you find something more constructive to do with your time than talk about someone who didn’t ask for your input.
I refuse to be ashamed of a body that endures the stress of my crazy life and still allows me to run, jump, and play. I refuse to sit by and wait for my life to begin “once I’m thin” when I should be living now. I refuse to waste any more seconds of my life feeling sad and sorry for myself but only because I don’t live up to the unattainable standards that others have set for me.
I want to live up to my standards. I want to be healthy but most of all happy. I want to be a role model. And goddammit I want to eat a piece of cheesecake every once in a while and not cry or berate myself afterwards.
It won’t happen in a day, but it will happen.
1. Drink one glass of ice cold water every hour. 2. Drink 3 cups of green tea daily…metabolism. 3. Take vitamins daily with food. 4. Do aerobics until you want to faint. 5. Use smaller plates…looks like you ate more. 6. Chew each bite of food thoroughly. 7. Sleep at least six hours a day. If you get less than six this can lower your metabolism by 15%. 8. Keep track of everything you eat. 9. Keep good posture, burns 10% more calories when you sit up straight.
Do aerobics until you faint?
Restrict and trick yourself into thinking you’re eating more?
These are not very positive suggestions. Siiigh.
Caitlin Moran, “How to be a Woman”